I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
