so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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