We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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