You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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