This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
