The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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