So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
