So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
