We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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