Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
