My nipple is on Facebook.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
