i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
