All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
