you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
