He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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