I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
