I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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