In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
