i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
