did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
