It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
