hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
