I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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