Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
