i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
