I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
