Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
