So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
