Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
