I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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