So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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