dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
