I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
