I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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