just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
