i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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