I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
