wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
