I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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