We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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