Christians are straight up FREAKS
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
