Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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