I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
