went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
