You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I forget how to act sober
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
