He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
