hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
