Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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