he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Congratulations! We have a period
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