the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
