If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
